At some point in your life, someone has most likely told you that you have to
forgive someone for something they’ve done to you. Because if you don’t forgive, it’s really only hurting you. Because nine times out of ten, the person you’re staying mad at or being sad about either doesn’t know they hurt you, or knows it and just doesn’t care. I tell this to my clients all the time. It’s a waste of energy. And yet…although we get this, it can be hard.
I really believe I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I can forgive just about anything. I know that usually when someone does something I perceive as mean, unjust, unfounded, that that’s them not me. Don’t get me wrong, I always go over the situation in my mind and analyze how I acted. I ask myself if I was the cause, etc. And if I’m able to determine that I was, I will do my best to apologize and rectify. But if I feel I wasn’t? The forgiving part is still there for me, but the ‘forgetting’ part is harder. Especially in the case of a ruined relationship.
I’ve had this happen to me a couple of times over the years. Something went wrong, words were said, and relationships ended. And that continues to make me incredibly sad. So sad that I keep thinking about them over and over and over and over. Like I’ve been trying to figure out how to fix it, what went wrong, how to move forward, or if that is even possible. Recently, with one of these relationships, it had gotten to the point of kind of obsessing about it. So I started thinking. Maybe I could use the ‘forgiving’ part to help with the ‘forgetting’ part.
I often give my clients tools to help them pivot from a certain thought pattern. In other words, each time they’re triggered by something and that causes them to go back to the same negative thoughts or obsessive thoughts, they do this thing. You know, snapping a rubber band or whatever. Something to remind them to move on in their thinking. So, for the past several days, each time I though about that relationship, and I started to go over it…again…in my mind, I stopped and said out loud, “I forgive you.” But here’s the thing…
When saying those words, I realized I was forgiving both them and MYSELF. And THAT made all the difference. I was forgiving them for what I perceived they did, and I was forgiving myself for whatever my part was in it, even if I didn’t know what that was. Because it turns out, part of the obsessing over it, was me trying to see if I missed something. But by simply forgiving all, it kind of took away that need for me. And THAT helped me break the thought patterns. So…
When I forgive you, I forgive me.
Live and learn with love…