Kripalu Part 2…Sweet.

So I’m still on a Kripalu kick here and writing this from there again. (By the time you read this I’ll be home, but you’ve got to bear with me because it was just so awesome….) Some months ago, probably at the beginning of the year, I posted about how my teacher/mentor called me out in a class saying I needed to get a bit more vulnerable in my posts and in my teaching. She was saying it with love and truly trying to help, which she did, but at the time it caused a pretty big, ugly cry. In front of a bunch of people on a live webinar. Cut to today.
This morning as I was assisting teaching a class, one of our students raised her hand and started talking about how vulnerable she was feeling, and how she kept feeling like she was going to cry, and how she was doing her damndest not to do that. Both me and my teacher started to laugh as we looked at each other. Note: We were NOT laughing at the student, but were laughing at me. So I started to tell my story.
I was brought up to believe you have to stay strong. Suck it up. Put your big girl panties on. Don’t show fear. Don’t let them see you sweat. You get the picture. So this whole being vulnerable thing and crying all the time was new to me. But, since that time earlier this year, I’ve started to see the value in it. The more I ALLOW my stuff to come up, the more space it makes in me for new, good stuff to come in. And the more I learn from it. So I tell my story and I start by saying, ‘Okay all, so I’m going to start crying in like a second. I’m an ugly crier so sorry. And I’m REALLY uncomfortable that you’re all staring at me. But here I go.’ Of course we all end up laughing and the students seemed to relate and get the message that it’s totally cool to be vulnerable (in a safe space) and that you do in fact learn from it. And you keep learning from it.
An hour or so later we break for lunch. I’m out in the hall and one of the students comes up to me and asks if she can tell me something. Of course! And she proceeds to tell me how happy she was to hear me spill my guts and how happy she was to see me cry in front of everyone. She tells me that prior to me doing that, she found me unapproachable and a bit closed off. She said that the fact that I let go and allowed everyone to see me just being human made all the difference in the world to her. And I thought…
Well THAT was AWESOME. For real, it made my day.
Back when I was still in that stay strong, suck it up, put your big girl panties on stage of my life was I making a difference when I was teaching someone something? Maybe. But by stepping out of that ‘perfect teacher role’ and just being me. The real me. Problems, struggles, snot and all, I did more than teach someone. I set them on their own path to just being and I moved a bit forward on my own.
Sweet.
Live and learn in Munay.