Yesterday I had my first mammogram since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. And it brought up a lot of anxiety. I remembered how terrified we were and how crazy it all felt for us…my husband and I…this time last year. I got the official diagnoses a few days after Thanksgiving, I had surgery two days after Christmas, and I started chemo the week before my birthday this past February. Do you see a trend? It would appear that things happen for me around those ‘special’ days of the year. LOL.
Right after my appointment yesterday I went on a long beach walk. Of course. Always the perfect way for me to think things through. As I walked I was thinking about how kind of nuts I went after hearing my doctor say the words last year. I immediately went to, ‘How did I do this to myself? What did I do wrong? What did I do to make this happen?’
As is often the case when I’m walking, I ran in to a very wise, loving friend on her walk. We talked a bit about how things were going lately, not just for me, but for all of us and came to the conclusion that this is the year of judgement. Judgement to and from others, but also judgement of ourselves. We talked for a bit then each continued on our way. Only then did I realize I was doing exactly that. I was walking and wondering if I had done all the right things since my diagnosis. Had I done enough to make this bad thing stay away. Was I good enough? Was I kind enough? Did I give enough? Yep. Judging myself.
As this friend…and several others…have said to me lately, ’would you talk to someone else the way you talk to yourself?’ I know my answer is a definite no. Lately, a lot of folks have been talking about being kind. Cause let’s face it, there’s a lot of mean out there right now. (And I know that sounds like I’m judging, but I get it, there’s a lot of fear and that can cause us to react. No judgement!) And I think it’s so important that we all try to do that right now. Especially in this crazy year we call 2020. But we also have to remember when we’re all trying to be kind…
To be kind to ourselves too. Enough with the judging!
Live and Learn with love.
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